Translation of the description of vulnerable intuition from Aoame: About painful Ni and how I see it:
A catastrophic complex of delays, a lifetime. As far as I can remember (starting from the 1st grade), I always run somewhere due to being late. Or just running, I can’t separate it anymore in my mind why I am always in the rush.. The staff even said that I can be recognized by gait - bouncing-mincing. Well, the gait speed, that men do not keep up with me, as this is a habit developed over the years. As if speed will change something. It seems to me that I’ll finish it now, and then I’ll run away, and I’ll skip time, and then I’ll have time ... but the miracle does not happen. The first half of my life suffered greatly from my lateness. Here I am running late and exhausting myself and feeling like a failure. But I don’t see a way out, and tomorrow everything repeats ... Attempts to change something gave a result for a couple of days, then everything started again on the thumb. Moreover, this has nothing to do with irresponsibility, as my humble friend (base Ni) says, “you’ll be two hours late, but you’ll definitely be there once you say it and bring everything you need.”
The opportunity to come earlier was not an option for the same reason that it just didn’t work out for me, and that witing would cause the same feelings as being late — I feel like I failed from the moment I am waiting, I seemed to cease to exist: I don’t live at this moment because I’m not doing anything. ( loss of time).
In the second half of my life I somehow relaxed, and did not become late, and I even worry about it because of this, but I no longer chew myself for it. Since I realized that for me, straining to be in time on time is equally intense, as well as experiences for being late. That is, if I try to make it, it’s still inherent, for example, on a train/plane, then even if I have 2 hours left - the very thought that “I need to be in time” gives rise to some wild fantasies “but all of a sudden the plane will fly off earlier? ”or“ now the bus will break ”(about work - that they will fire me, etc.) and the same stress .... and why it gets into my head - I don’t understand. Since in life I look at things quite realistically and quite positively, without horror stories in other areas. Even at these moments, I am very concentrated and nervous, and I perceive other issues poorly, although in a normal situation I can do several things at the same time.
What helps in such situations if someone is nearby who is leading the process of time, or we are just travelling together. But if something spoils my mood, then the worst thing is if someone screaming “faster” or “10 minutes left” at the time when I am getting ready and getting late. I myself understand that I do not have time, but I do not need to remind me about it. It is pointless and as if someone deliberately wants to reproach me, poke my nose.
And more about the time when I need organise and sort out things. On trips, I collect things in advance, at least for the day. But there were cases when there was something left to throw in a bag before going out. So at this moment for some reason I can have a confusion and stress “should I take it (something) or not; this or another?” What for? I am late. Finally, I should not waste time on this. You will not manage. You’ll be late now. Ahhh ... rrrr. Then decide faster. Can not choose. I don’t want anything anymore. And cold sweat .... By the way, the question of choice was also always relevant, is also connected with intuition.
I gathered all these situations in a heap and went to the psychologist. I say I have some kind of complex. We went through a lot of reasons, and parents, and the habits of the family, and the model of my mother, and my kind of disorganization, and rummaged in the subconscious ... but here is the paradox for me, the reason we still did not find. Nothing resonates! A bit of everything and nothing in particular that would explain my problem in full. There’s just "no charge/no exact reason" there, but there is a problem in life. To be honest, this is the only problem that could not be found or the reason. Which for me personally was very strange.
Farther. From childhood, thoughts about the end of the world were frightening, and thoughts on the topic “what happened after death” were hardly given. I could not look into the sky and admire the stars (and even now not so), since it seemed to me like a terrible unknown abyss. I still do not understand and do not like science fiction and everything cosmic, interplanetary. Since it raises a bunch of questions for me, and I'm not ready to hear the answers to these questions, and indeed they do not exist in full about everything mysterious. Now, if everything was clear there, as about the design of a car or a printing press, I would gladly listen and believe. And about space and fantastic phenomena there will always be someone's fantasy for the version. And if this is not so?)))
Impatience. I am terribly impatient. For some reason, I attribute this to pain. I can’t wait in a global sense. If I need to wait for something, but I can do something, I will always choose to do it. Sometimes it seems that because of this I have the unsuccess of some business where the person or situation should have matured. But usually everything is clear to me right away, although it may not be possible for a person, and therefore I am ready for hasty actions. If I didn’t say something or didn’t do, I’ll be very tormented by this, not being able to return it and experience.
I do not like abstract conversations. Transfusion from empty to empty. That is, I love high matters and deep thoughts about world problems, and am very interested in this, but in chats "of the Hedgehog in a fog like ... if the horse goes to bed, she will drown in the fog...." it just wedges me and the conversations seem terribly stupid and meaningless. I can even discount, ridicule, and respond incorrectly. I also poorly understand the complexly wrapped abstract plots of films, books, paintings, I don’t really understand (and don’t like) symbolism, unless I can explain it literally)))))
Well, according to the facts from life: I am always late for work and dates, but I really appreciate it if the man has not commented on this. The longest wait for a guy is 2 hours. I am terrible, I know, but it is priceless. I also have three train delays. There are always different reasons - a taxi in a traffic jam, went to the toilet at the wrong time, could not choose a blouse (as described above) ... but for some reason my friends do not have a single delay on the train ((a little shame.
Today I was very upset by the employee saying to me: “make up your mind faster”. My mood spoiled for half a day just like that.
Favorite phrases that I always insert everywhere on the machine “I do not want to waste time,“ why waste time ”,“ it is not worth my time ”... for some reason I measure the whole value of life with words about time, although I will not say that I don’t waste time, rather, on the contrary, I can forget/hang out with someone.
My favorite slogan is “the more I do, the more I manage”, I think that you plan more - at least you will have time. And if there is no business, then life goes into the abyss. Do not spin - do not feel alive. Value is measured by the number of results and deeds done per unit of time. Therefore, even a ride in transport is necessary (it is necessary!) to be filled with something (some action).
Well, I’m doing all the things (reports, diplomas, assignments) at the last moment. That is, I start them right away, but the process goes like jelly (sometimes there is no inspiration, sometimes interrupts something) and it always seems that I’ll manage to do everything while there’s a lot of time ahead, and in fact in the last minutes you have to concentrate and hurry to finish.
I am annoyed with slow people, I want to kick their ass. I can often grab and do it myself."
Topic: Экспресс- диагностика - Аоамэ (Read 4242 times)